RentAGod
by ArtsyAzn
Summary: Leo's life has been a flat line of BORING. He's craving excitement and help on his new dragon, Festus II. Then the new kid, Matt, comes up with an idea called "Rent-A-God", where you get to rent a god for a day. Leo thinks the idea is great until Matt presents the two restrictions: No impractical wishes, and your parent is off-limits, and Leo's dad is the only one who can help...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I know, I know. I'm totally aware that I've been gone forever. But honestly, I haven't written since the Wrong Date, so bear with me. Leo is totally OOC unintentionally, but whatever.**

**Note: Contains references from The Wrong Date and Pieces. You don't have to read them to understand what's going on here though.**

**Hopefully, you won't murder me for the awfulness.**

* * *

Leo frowned into the fire, not noticing the brightness and heat that was fanned into his face by a sudden gust through the Camp forges. A few of his siblings looked up, the breeze rustling their sweaty hair and cooling their faces as they worked. But Leo kept his eyes on the flames, deep in thought.

Ever since Festus II had destroyed the personality changer (he hadn't taken too kindly to being tested), Camp had been kind of boring, and Leo was filled with longing to do something fun for once; he just couldn't think of anything.

Finally one of his siblings, he wasn't quite sure who, tapped his shoulder. Leo hummed in response, keeping his gaze on the dancing red and orange before him.

"Hey." Leo finally looked up. It was Matt, the newest member of their cabin. Leo laughed to himself, and shook his head when Matt gave him a questioning look. He remembered when Matt had been claimed: bronze hair flaming red in the light of the hammer, the hologram reflected in his dark eyes. Leo's thoughts shifted as he thought of the mechanics of the "hologram". It was sort of like an Iris message, but different. Ever since he'd been claimed, Leo had been puzzling over how the whole "glowing image above your head" thing worked.

"Hi," Leo replied, running a hand through his hair, the sweat making it stick up. "Wassup?"

"So I've been thinking," Matt said quietly, which seemed to Leo the only way he was capable of speaking. "And I heard of all the cool things you did before I came to Camp."

Leo nodded vaguely, his eyes back on the furnace. Absently, he reached out and grabbed a coal, rolling it between his fingers. Maybe he could make Jason some kind of fireproof skin? He was sure Jason wouldn't mind being burned once or twice. And he could make it up to Festus II, for testing the personality changer on him, by letting Festus II shoot flames at Jason. Maybe then he'd be Happy the Dragon again.

"I've had an idea," Matt continued. "That would make Camp a little bit more interesting."

Leo's head snapped up, his eyes gleaming with interest. "Go on," Leo prompted after a moment. Was this kid the answer to all the problems?

"It includes the gods," he said uncertainly after a few seconds of silence.

Leo suppressed a groan, but he did sigh. "Kid, I appreciate the effort, but the gods don't take us seriously. Except for when we're useful, our lives are pretty much one big old reality show. No offense," Leo added quickly, seeing the barely concealed rejection on Matt's face.

"But I did talk with Mr. D, and he said to talk to you. He thinks the gods will be up for it." Leo raised an eyebrow, and Matt rushed on. "You said our lives are like some reality show, right? So like, it's this idea where we get to pick one lucky god to be with us for a day, and they've got to do whatever we want. If it's practical. The only restriction would be that, and your parent is off-limits."

"Like renting a god for a day?" Leo summarized, and Matt nodded, his floppy hair bouncing with the vigorous motion.

Leo's eyebrows knit together and a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "Not bad, Matt," he said softly, looking into the flames again. But instead of seeing flames, Leo was envisioning Matt's plan. Rent-a-God. Didn't sound too bad. "But why would Mr. D want you to talk to me?"

Matt shrugged. "I don't know."

Leo pursed his lips, thinking. "Thanks anyways. I'll be sure to ask you for help if this project is a go. Sounds fun," he said, grinning.

Matt nodded. "Yeah. See you later."

"Bye."

Matt left the forges, and Leo tossed the coal, which was now cold, back into the flames. The whole leader of the cabin thing was sometimes stressful; Leo had changed because of it. He'd been forced to mature so that he could almost see Piper, the Beauty Queen, wishing for the jester to be back.

But he wasn't entirely gone. He just wasn't up front and center. Losing Festus's head, the very last piece of him, had been a big blow. It was like ripping off his right arm. Festus II was alright, but he had a few flaws; a taste for curry being one of them.

Rent-a-God. If he used Matt's rules, he wouldn't be able to use Hephaestus to rebuild Festus II the way he used to be. And he didn't really want to use any other god, so...

Leo was so tempted to call Matt back and discuss every detail of the idea with him, and hopefully eliminate the "parent-god is off-limits" rule. But first he had to figure out why Mr. D would want Matt to talk to him.

Leo reluctantly left the forges and went to the Big House, where Mr. D was sitting on the porch, drinking a coke. "Matt mentioned something about an idea he had," he said as he walked up. He'd learned that with Mr. D, small talk could only do you harm.

Mr. D stared into his soda for a long moment before he answered, "The one where you borrow a god for a day?"

Leo was tempted to say, "No, the idea where I grab your soda can, empty it on your strawberries, crush it, and turn it into a fucking metal bird", but he settled for, "Yeah, that one. Why didn't you reject it right away?"

The god before me unleaded a tiny bit of his power on me, and staring into the purple flames of his eyes, my head started to spin. "I'd love to see how they feel, sitting around, serving a bunch of useless humans all day!"

"We aren't human," Leo reminded him, and he shot him a glare.

"Whatever you are, you're worthless," he told him.

"Thanks. I'll just ignore all the times we saved this Camp."

"If only it were destroyed so severely that nobody would have a whisper of hope putting it back together!" he sighed, putting his coke on the side table. "Listen. You're going to have to make some sort of contraption that will call a specific god with a specific call. Signal, numbers, whatever. Just do it."

"Nike," Leo muttered under his breath before answering, "On it."

Leo turned to leave when Mr. D called me. "Oh Leo?"

Leo turned around. "Yes?"

"Remember, children cannot call their parents."

Leo nodded and walked away from the Big House. But he wasn't going to go to his Cabin, and he wasn't going back to the forges.

He was going to Cabin 1, to find the person who could call his dad with the new Rent-a-God.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I have news:**

**I am starting to get over my aversion (utter, utter disgust) with Jason Grace. Partly because I haven't read TLH in like, a million ages, but also because I have to write this chapter from Jason's POV. It won't work with Leo, Piper's not really central to this story, and you guys know nothing about Matt. If I wrote this from Matt's POV, it'd either be "What the hell is going on?" or "This is fucking boring". So, yeah.**

**I did adjust Jason's personality. It's a lot more like Percy's (cause he's fucking awesome) then it is Jason's, because Jason sucks all the way to the core.**

* * *

**Sparky's POV**

Jason looked skeptically at the little machine Leo had revealed. "It looks like a cell phone," he noted.

Leo rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Captain Obvious. Duh. It is a cell phone."

"The gods aren't going to like cell phones," Jason said, and Leo sighed. He placed the small bronze flip-phone into Jason's hand. The machine fit comfortably in his palm, like it was made to be there.

Jason examined it for a minute. "How does this work?" he asked, tapping the cell phone. He wasn't used to having one: His mom had never had enough money or cared enough to buy him one, and Camp Jupiter also prohibited them. He frowned down at it, trying to make sense of the Greek scratched onto the surface.

"It works like a phone: you punch in a certain number, you get a certain god. I thought it'd be easiest to do it by Cabin," Leo explained, and Jason nodded, only partially understanding.

"What does this say?" he asked, tapping the Greek.

"Rent a God," Leo answered, grinning. "Of course, the actual words are a little sketchy, because I'm not one hundred percent sure on my Greek. It's either 'Rent a God' or 'Chew the Grass'."

"Chew the Grass?"

"I didn't want to bother Annabeth, okay?" Leo muttered, and Jason understood. Since she and Percy had both returned to Camp Half-Blood, they'd been pretty much inseparable (breaking all the Camp rules).

"I think it says 'Chew the God'."

"What, so is Mr. Roman now Mr. Know-It-All?" Leo muttered, fiddling with his tool belt.

"So, what's this for, exactly?"

"It's an idea Matt, the new kid, came up with. He helped me design it and everything. But he placed a few rules on this whole 'Rent a God' thing, which has me really peeved."

"Rules?"

"No unreasonable wishes and no parents," Leo replied, scowling. "And I need Hephaestus's help on Festus II so badly. The nymphs were fine giving me hot sauce for Festus, but they hate cooking curry for Festus II. Apparently, it makes the entire kitchens smell."

Jason was quiet as Leo muttered some more curses to curry. "Um, so where do I come in?"

Leo pointed to the device. "You call Hephaestus. You tell him that because Festus was so great, you want another one. I tried to rebuild one for you, but it's not the same. Just ask him to finish it up for you," Leo pleaded, his eyes begging.

"In case you don't remember, Leo, your dad's a god. He might not be Apollo, the fortune guy, but he's sure going to know."

But Leo was already grinning. "The beauty of this is that be can't say no, because that's not unreasonable or impossible."

"Where is Festus II? Is he still sore from the whole personality change?" Jason asked, remembering his own time as the guinea pig. Not a fun memory.

"Usually he stays in the clearing or in the bunker," Leo replied. "But that's my issue. Festus loved to go hunt for monsters in the forest. I just wish Festus II would do the same."

"Yeah, Festus was cool. Happy the Dragon," Jason said, smiling. "I do miss him."

"His teeth always whirred in such a hurry, and they way his eyes glowed... Beckendorf did a hell of a job before he left. A damn good hell of a job," Leo said, more to himself then to Jason.

"When do trials for this thing start?" Jason asked, lifting the machine in the air.

Leo shrugged. "Mr. D has to run it past the gods at the summer solstice meeting, and then we can start."

Jason nodded. "Alright, then. See you later?" he asked, handing the phone back.

Leo shrugged. "Yeah." He grinned at Jason. "Nice to have you here, you know? I'm glad you came back with us instead of staying at the Legion."

Jason felt an ache in his chest at the name of his old home but managed a tight smile. "Yeah, me too." Then he turned his face and walked to his cabin before Leo could see his pained expression.

* * *

**SURPRISE! MR. D's POV! (Summer Solstice)**

As he sat in his woven throne, Mr. D finally started to actually consider the idea those campers- Leroy Vargas and the new one, Matt Wells- had dropped. Mr. D frowned, concerned with his ever-strengthening memory. He had to forget that Matt kid's name as quickly as possible, or his rep would be ruined.

The summer solstice started, and, as usual, Mr. D tuned out, focused on one of the two glasses of wine he got a year. He took smalls sips, trying to make the drink last through the meeting, but soon he was sucking air.

Mr. D groaned and began searching the throne room for a nymph or someone to get him another glass of wine when his gaze ran over his father's eyes, which were fixed on him. Mr. D sighed and sat back in his throne, which, he realized, resembled the woven outdoor patio furniture at the Big House. He'd need to either adjust his throne or the camp furniture. But both were just so comfortable...

"Mr. D, and how are things going at Camp? Has everyone who arrived been claimed?" Zeus asked. His voice was almost stormy; he hadn't recovered from having to promise Pedro Johnson the whole "claiming all your kids" thing.

Mr. D yawned widely before answering. "Yeah, they're all good. But one of the new kids, Mitch?" he asked, looking around the room. He felt pleased that he couldn't remember the new one's name. One glass of wine did wonders for him.

Hephaestus nodded. "Matt. He had an idea?"

Mr. D sighed and sunk deeper into his chair. "Yes. A rather interesting one. But it involves all of us, and I guess I'll have to get a vote."

Zeus grumbled, and the palace shook the tiniest bit. "Explain," he boomed.

"Rent a God. One day, any wish that's not impossible or dangerous. Or outrageous, for the matter. Oh, and parents are prohibited from their kids," he added at the end.

Surprisingly, Aphrodite was the first to speak. "I'm up for it," she said, raising a bangled arm. "I vote yes."

"I suppose I do too, then," Ares said gruffly, and Aphrodite giggled. What an air head, Mr. D thought sourly.

"Two yes. 10 undecided?"

"I'm a yes." Poseidon said, and Mr. D nodded vaguely.

The rest of the Olympians softly chimed in to agree. Only Athena, Zeus and myself were opposed to the idea, and we were overruled. "I'll be sure to bring the news back to Camp," he muttered, fervently wishing for another glass of wine.

"That's all, I suppose," Zeus thundered, and the gods began to flash out.

Mr. D sighed, glanced wistfully at the banquet table at the far end of the hall, and then flashed back to the wretched Camp that was his prison.


End file.
